I walk to the light and see Heaven's door,
wondering what in life I have in store.
Knock knock! Knock knock! I'm back again,
tried to be good, please let me in!
I know I've done wrong but I don't throw stones,
Knock knock, please let me in out of this cold!
I know I have stolen, I know I've lied,
please oh please won't you let me come inside.
We'll see! We'll see! Stay on the path,
please do your best with what you have.
Take nothing for granted and love your life,
We'll see how you do with your new found light.
© Steve Bertrand aka. stevieb 20111117
Author note: This poem was written in response to dVersePoets.com FormForAll challenge. This week the form was a 'Staccato'. This is only the third non-freeverse poem I've ever written. Taking up these challenges really forces me to put my mind into my art.
Another note: I just realized I did it wrong. I did not make rhyme the middle of the first & second line in each stanza. Oh well, here's to a valiant attempt anyways :)
Another note: Fixed the first stanza, but want to leave the second broken. The first I was able to change without loss of meaning, the second I can't.
The 'Staccato' poem form.
ReplyDeleteForm Description:
Two or more six-line stanzas
Rhyme scheme: a,a,b,b,c,c Syllables: 10,10,8,8,10,10
*Two-syllable repeats appear twice consecutively at the beginning of L3 followed by an exclamation mark and once again at the beginning of L6, with or without the exclamation mark.
*In addition to the repeats, the form requires an internal rhyme interplay between L1 and L2 of each stanza, usually the sixth syllable in each line.
Ha Ha this is cool.
ReplyDeleteI like the
Knock knock! Knock knock! I'm back again,
tried to be good please let me in!
if you revise it any, change the last line first stanza to a similar groovy beat:
[Knock knock. Knock knock. let me in out of this cold!]
I like this piece very much...good Job!
smiles. i like the message in this...and may you find grace in the afterlife...
ReplyDeleteGreat response to the prompt, it was my first rhyming poem so I hear you on the putting your mind to it. 'We'll see' is what we all hope for, some compassion and patience.
ReplyDeleteWell you did very well working within the form. Exploring all those thoughts about the now, the guilt, and the hereafter, really setting it to music and completing the form with seeming ease. Kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteYou made the form yours and I think it's great with a very strong message.
ReplyDeletelove the spirituality of this - a few others wrote of it also and they touch me the most. do well with your new found light (very good :)
ReplyDeleteOh I like it. Really a nice spirituality here, as questions seem to ponder their own answers as you travel down your path. I also really appreciate how you mark down your edit notes, don't know why I just love seeing that type of thing, but perhaps I'm just weird like that-lol But really I do appreciate it and enjoyed your poem.
ReplyDeleteWonderful application of form and message. I love how this sounds when given voice. It allows for different inflections to shift from urgent to pleading to gentle. Thank you so much for taking on the form and creating such beauty.
ReplyDeleteBeth
I think you did a great job with the form. I can totally relate to this.
ReplyDeletewords to think about, well done with the form
ReplyDelete