A child inside

I'm a child inside due to a childless past,
time to grow up,
and do it fast,
I'm an obsessive posessor on insanity's border,
of pain and despair I've been a collective hoarder,
is it a disorder?,
or something I can work through?,
I've always felt screwed,
I can't prove with intent that I've have had the power to choose,
I've been abused,
but it's something nobody can see,
because I've believed my secrets should be kept inside of me,
indeed,
I've been inprisoned in my own self cataclysm,
it's because I've chosen not to make different decisions,
but it's time to move forward,
get up and move on,
grief is like a ghost,
I can accept it and make it gone,
I'm not wrong for not accepting any help,
it's only because I wasn't listening to myself,
with the pain I've been dealt,
by my own hands,
leaving permanent internal welts,
pass me the scalpul,
I need to perform surgery,
remove this psychological cancer before I allow it to murder me,
I've lived through hell,
so I know I can survive,
but I must disassociate from the past to fully become alive.

© Steve Bertrand aka. stevieb 20111115